Monday, August 22, 2011

I Finally Know What He Won't Do

I heard this on the radio last night, and it was like falling in love all over again. Watching the video makes it even more amazing. Everything about this song and video is awesome: melodrama, motorcycles, male and female singing parts, over-eroticism, time changes and slow-motion sequences . . . LOVE!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Section 1-103 - Declaration of State Public Policy

This is from the Oklahoma Employment Security Act (emphasis added):

"Economic insecurity due to unemployment is a serious menace to the health, morals, and welfare of the people of this state. Unemployment is therefore a subject of general interest and concern which requires appropriate action by the Legislature to prevent its spread and to lighten its burden which now so often falls with crushing force upon the unemployed worker and his family. The achievement of social security requires protection against this greatest hazard of our economic life. This objective can be furthered by operating free public employment offices in affiliation with nationwide system of employment services, by devising appropriate methods for reducing the volume of unemployment and by the systematic accumulation of funds during periods of employment, thus maintaining purchasing power and limiting the serious social consequences of unemployment. The Legislature, therefore, declares that in its considered judgment the public good, and the general welfare of the citizens of this state require the enactment of this measure, under the police power of the state for the establishment and maintenance of free public employment offices and for the compulsory setting aside of unemployment reserves to be used for the benefit of persons unemployed through no fault of their own."

This is what government is capable of: helping people when shit just happens. I read this today and thought it was revolutionary. Unemployment services began in 1933, with unemployment insurance starting in 1936. Times, I think, have gotten worse, and we care less for each other than we did back then. I want the Employment Security Act to be a model for what government can do for us--it can help us.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Addicted to Wanting to Know Everything

That's what I have. I think it's probably closely linked to obsessive thoughts.

I read something about my Myers-Briggs personality type that said it life is not easy being such type (INFJ). I was thinking: what type is life easy for?! I don't romanticize myself the way I used to when I was younger. Probably because I find myself doing the same things I used to do, only now I'm older. I used to be a very malunderstood youth writing in a cafe. Now . . . I'm just older.

(Almost like the entire key to a prior relationship:
Me: "I saw Aloof Bad Boy."
Friend: "I see more Angry Nerd.")

Things may or may not change, I suppose. But tonight I realized that a psychological component to my desire to get drunk or do drugs is rooted in the desire to have the experience of getting out of this world and into one that makes sense. I have the desire to have the experience of knowing everything--it is an experience that feels good.

Wherever we go, there we are. That's kind of a crappy lesson, a rather boring lesson. A kind of eat your oatmeal and and an apple day kind of lesson.

Until I realize that I'm realizing something new about myself! So it happened, one evening, during a guitar lesson, that I did not even drink more than a beer and I had an epiphany! "Instant karma is going to get you!"

Of a near-crippling shoulder pain Bill says, "Baby, we are so alike." Holding stress in the same parts of our bodies. I wonder if I curl up into myself as a way to protect myself from those around me. The problems people have . . . they are not always bad. But, it occurred to me today, there is a desire in many people (I am not alone in this!) to control the emotions of those around them. It is amazing, actually, to see it in progress. It is like a sticky film, perhaps. Heavier than a spider web, yet as entrapping and fragile.

I'm just spit-ballin'. I don't really know much. But there are a few synchronicities to attune to. They mostly have to do with verbal humor, sexy showers, and praying.

I have heard "Baby, we are so alike" from so many people, and it usually feels threatening. Today, though, it feels good. Without similarities, I get lost. I get angry without them!

I think humans are sticky creatures--messy and dirty. And we can occlude the truth of ourselves; it's an amazing project watching us while also being one of us. Ryan says, "We only get one go 'round!" And I think: "If we should be so lucky (as to only have to do this once)!" I'm not sure if that makes me an optimist or a pessimist. I'm not sure if I'm wasting time or doing the best job I can.

That's all. Would I drive a Mercedes if I could? Could I ever own a luxury car? That's really what I worry about.

Monday, August 8, 2011

"Entitlement Cuts"

I have an air of impatience and anger and something that feels like a wanting to be recognized.

It is very hard to take care of myself when everyone else is just not getting it.

I almost had a panic attack shopping near the baby aisles in Target. That is pretty much unrelated to anything I want to say here, but I want to keep it in anyway.

I was wondering: what are the roots of boredom?

I am long in the spleen. Of humours!

Bore: "The malady of ennui, supposed to be specifically ‘French’, as ‘the spleen’ was supposed to be English; a fit of ennui or sulks; a dull time" (OED).

Family: No one wants to sleep with a family, but that's what one might possibly do if one were to get married and subsequently rear a child. Family: "Etymology: Latin familia household, famulus servant."

Servant.

A worker in the public sector. Working with those "entitlement programs."

I think when something larger is being withheld, those getting scraps will feel entitled to such droppings.

I am angry at the disparity between rich and poor. The thunder is rolling in Tulsa; the storm clouds have gathered, and they have gathered beautifully.

The debt ceiling debate, subsequent bond rating, today's market . . . in all of this, reality seems to be nowhere. What things do we actually have power to change? That's what I want to know. That's where I want to be.

Things like family and service sound nice, yet "familiarity breeds contempt" and this contempt is felt hardest by those who can't make it in our society.

If we had a model of a parent who could take care of him/herself while also protecting the offspring . . . if we had leaders . . .

I hear the thunder echo in the distance.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Sudden Lack of Good Quotes (?)

For some reason, I don't believe I've come across a good quote in a while. One book I'm reading is kind of pleasant, but it's not too inspiring. (The other book I'm reading is still Emma, and is still unquoteworthy. Actually, I just realized, there is a good quote from Emma.) I don't think I've shared this:
A poet in love must be encouraged in both capacities, or neither (72).

Something wonderful, unexpectedly! Any other good quotes or hidden gems I'm missing these days?