This morning: Oh, please forgive my trespasses. I will forgive anything I need to! I'm trying to build it up! How can I look at things differently? The sun rose with it's pinkness peaking over the grey. Always bright. I come to my mantra to try to remember that things are the way they are. It may not be a matter of forgiveness as much as it is forgetting. Letting go.
Upon reflection, I see my role in the pattern of things. I will keep coming back to this. I know I will be an old woman thinking these things--but maybe I can also think about other things, too. Can I accept without judgement the thoughts I have about wanting attention? What I label girly is what is causing me damage.
Ram Dass: "And therein lies the tale that I'm still paying for. If you've got power desires you get everything you ever wanted. That's what's so horrible about it. You recognize having something that you wanted about 10 years ago. And you gotta have it now. And if you want to get rid of it you'll have it again, that's what so horrible about it. You just gotta have it. Let it run off, running off old karma"
And all things we never named and all the desires of others. We're bound.